Friday, June 28, 2002

The Associated Press
Thursday, June 27, 2002; 10:29 AM

VIENNA, Austria –– Drivers in farming regions know to be on the lookout for animals that stray onto the road, but even the most cautious seldom scan the heavens for livestock.

A 36-year-old woman should have been doing that Thursday when a cow strayed from a hillside pasture to the top of a tunnel entrance and then fell onto her car.

The woman was hospitalized with minor chest and foot injuries. Her husband, in the passenger seat, was unharmed. The cow died after being hit when it fell 15 feet just as the car was leaving the tunnel.
Thanks to alert blog reader Mike Herman for this one. I dunno about Austria, but in my neighborhood, we have little Asian kids flying around on fluorescent bicycles. Scary stuff.

This is fun, though time consuming. This too.

I was playing some pickup basketball the other day, for the first time since I pulled a hamstring. These high school kids, whom I'd eat for lunch pre-injury, took me to town, over and over. Those kids are gonna get it. Just wait til I finish reading up on levitation.

Does anyone think that Yao Ming, the Chinese guy who was the first pick of the NBA draft, isn't going to get traumatized? I think they should fit him with one of those race car head harnesses to protect him from the ball bouncing up and hitting his face at high velocity after dunks. Bill Simmons agrees with me.

Thursday, June 27, 2002

I am a man often given to hyperbole, usually for comic effect. Hyperbole is usually exaggerating something by blowing it up or minimizing it to reach the desired outcome of mocking it.

Which leads me to the conversation I had last night with a friend. She somehow got to the point where she told me about some self-defense class she took in college, and that one "passive resistance" technique that was taught was self-defecation. Namely, peeing (or defecating) on oneself to presumably disgust all of those hygienically sensitive rapist/mugger types.

Now. If you know me at all (and if you are my friend), you will agree that this is the stupidest, most flagrant abuse of reason I've ever heard in 25 years of existence on this planet. HOW WILL PEEING ON YOURSELF SCARE A RAPIST AWAY. What criminal would be scared off by that? The Scarlet Pimpernel? Joan Rivers? Steve Kmetko, from E!, the Entertainment Channel?Animals (most notably frogs) usually pee when set on suddenly by humans, but humans are usually not trying to rape them or steal their credit cards. Is the hope to wrack the attacker in severe abdominal convulsions brought on by laughter? Most parts of this country have a death penalty in place, which only inconclusively deters violent crime. I don't think a little water mixed with uric acid and human nitrate wastes is going to do the trick if LIFE IMPRISONMENT or DEATH BY LETHAL INJECTION isn't. I don't know what kind of composure it takes to face a class of people and tell them in all seriousness that they should pee on themselves or drop an emergency bat out of the cave for your own protection. (Think of the money you could save! The President doesn't need the Secret Service, he just needs Ex-Lax).

Anyway. Not content to sit on my conjecture, I did a little informal web searching, to see if this was still in the accepted canon of self-defense technique, or if things are not completely gone to hell and we stopped teaching this to people a long time ago. Unfortunately, there are still a few sites, here and here that still hold it as an acceptable passive resistance technique. But don't worry, for those of us who aren't handicapped with stupidity, there are sane people who seem to know the severity of being personally attacked.

I suddenly don't want to have a daughter, because I don't want some moron telling her to pee on herself when she gets attacked.

Are you serious? Now I definitely will pee on myself, and not because I'm happy, or in danger of being attacked. "Girls of Steroid Abuse" or "Hot Mommas of Varicose Vein Surgery" must have been the other options this month.

Lots and lots of venom today. Here's something a little happier. Oh, and this too.

Aw. This reminds me of Josh Brown. I'm pouring out an imaginary 40 for my dog JBrown.

I'm finding way too much good stuff. This is actually interesting.

Wednesday, June 26, 2002

You a big Rosie O'Donnell fan? Me neither.

I am a big fan of broadband access, and the speculation might be over as to when wireless broadband will be widely available. Now I can go to my favorite establishment to watch a game...and check the other scores on my laptop.

In my travels, I have discovered the best website for sunglasses is, despite the fact that it's been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show. I've also discovered that the best website for gun-toting underwear is It's too good to pass up.

Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Chinese people CRAZY...
Tenants Sought for 'Haunted' Apartments
Mon Jun 24, 8:30 AM ET

HONG KONG (Reuters) - The Hong Kong Housing authority is looking for people to rent 77 apartments widely believed to be haunted, the South China Morning Post reported on Monday.

Gruesome murders and suicides have taken place in some of the apartments, which are among 3,000 units with "unfavorable conditions" being offered to help needy families find affordable housing, the newspaper reported.

The units could bring a total of at least HK$3 million (US$384,600) per month for the Housing Authority, if there are takers.

Ghosts aside, "unfavorable conditions" also refer to flats close to rubbish dumps and those with common bathrooms and kitchens.

Even though property prices have plunged 50-60 percent from their 1997 peaks, Hong Kong remains one of the most expensive cities in the world.

About 10,000 applicants are expected to apply for the units, all of which are immediately available.

Is it just me, or is this not just youth group?

I'm usually a big fan of not cluttering the landscape of culture, popular or otherwise, with lots of crap. But sometimes, evangelical Protestant culture piles it up so high you can't see over it. I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on them; they're at least trying to make the world better. Not like this guy. Or even these guys. My favorites are the Kiddy Cage and the Pet Partner Human Litter Box.

One sixth of my audience (Todd Hertz) has brought, "your best online source for everything EVIL, " to my attention, and so I share its inherent joys with you, my faithfully bored readership.

I suppose I should actually write something about what's up with ME. I'm staying positive about finding a job, and it's actually working. All smiles here. My leg is feeling better, but it'll probably be a little sore tomorrow after playing pick-up basketball today. My friends are getting sick of me complaining about the leg. You know how your favorite aunt or grandparent talks about his/her various body ailments, usually when there's a lull in the conversation? Some "friends" of mine say that is me. I know where they live.

There's been a lot of handwringing (justifiably so) over Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile passing away over the weekend, but once again, Joe Sheehan over at Baseball Prospectus put it best.

Monday, June 24, 2002

Eating Nuts Lessens Heart Risk
Enough said.

Here's another funny little thing:
Suspect Escapes Jail, Is Eaten by Crocodile
Fri Jun 21,10:32 AM ET

PANAMA CITY (Reuters) - A 28-year-old Panamanian accused of killing a judge was eaten by a crocodile as he swam across a river after escaping from prison, police said on Thursday.

Oswaldo Martinez, accused of murdering judge Harmodio Mariscal on June 5 during a failed robbery in Panama City, was captured last week by police after fleeing to neighboring Costa Rica.

After being held in custody in Costa Rica, Martinez broke out of jail at the weekend and was aiming to reenter Panama through the dense jungle that divides the two Central American countries.

Martinez was eaten alive by the crocodile on Monday as he tried to swim across the River Terraba in southern Costa Rica, according to eyewitness reports confirmed by police on Thursday.

Congratulations to my newlywed friends Jen and Minh, and their beautiful wedding which gave me an excuse to be out and about on a sweaty Saturday. All weddings should be like theirs; compact, elegant, tasteful. I was feeling the wedding glow something heavy. It probably means 1) I didn't drink enough, and 2) that I'll be doing something manly like playing basketball tomorrow. Saturday was manic anyway because it started with watching South Korea beat Spain on penalty kicks. This article says that "South Korea, who have beaten Poland, Portugal, Italy and Spain so far, are easily the best Asian football team ever and arguably the strongest side to have emerged from outside the traditional strongholds of the game in Europe and South America." Yah baby. Fear the yellow menace.

Check out these bizarre record covers.