Friday, October 04, 2002

The World's Funniest Joke -- Official
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
Eh. I guess it's alright.

I drove down to Champaign today, to visit my brother. I left the car door open as I sat waiting in the Osco parking lot, my mom having gone in to pick up a few things. A man came over with an armload of tshirts, and asked for a $1 donation to some heart disease something-or-other charity, in exchange for a tshirt. I politely refused, and he nodded and walked away, looking for other potential donors.

Nothing remarkable about the situation, but it makes me wonder whether I refused because I really didn't want to give, or because I just say NO as a conditioned reaction. I'm not as compassionate as I should be, and it makes me wonder where along the way I lost it. Probably when guys like this pretend to speak for me: Falwell Calls Muhammad 'Terrorist'. I am too tired to comment on this. Fricking moron.

Check out The Smoking Gun's favorite mugshots.

Spontaneous. Human. Combustion. Which is not nearly the treasure that Swedish Chef videos are (!!).

Thursday, October 03, 2002

American Brass Balls
Having Brass Balls means We’ve Got What It Takes to:
• Defeat Terrorism
• Defend our Homeland
• Show Courage and Determination in the face of adversity
• And to have the moral fiber to do what is right. We dedicate this site to those that have them.

Not sure what brass genitalia has to do with moral fiber.

Contact is playing on TNT, which reminds me that Jodie Foster is AWEsome. Beautiful, smart, talented. Why do I not know more women like this? Not that I know a whole bunch of men like that either.

I was looking around at programs for graphic design and education. 2 pretty disparate fields, and I was actually getting excited about the prospect of learning something, again.

Things that you make go...
Paul Burke, owner of Sun Fun Products, said his company has received an order for more than 153,000 4-ounce, scentless bottles of SPF 15 Native Tan sunscreen to be shipped to the Defense Distribution Depot San Joaquin in Tracy, Calif. Wonder why?

Barbra Streisand is an idiot. But you all knew that. Maybe we could use one of these on her.

Sup dog? Headline News is hot for hiphop phrases, yo.
"There's nothing more ridiculous than people trying to act hipper than they are," said Andrew Tyndall, editor of the Tyndall Report, which monitors TV news.

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

The Two Towers trailer is now available at

I dug back to an old journal entry and found the line that was stuck in my head from it:

"... we all sort of think that the way we live our lives is intrinsically the best way, and that sort of self-righteousness isolates us from those who are different."

I guess what was sticking with me was how we stubborn we can get in how we do things. Maybe that's what's wrong with me.

Man held in case of cell phone road rage
So the old guy runs some woman off the road, forcing her to the sidewalk. Is there not a medal for men like this? (Even though I still use the phone in the car.) No medals for men like this, though.

Monday, September 30, 2002

I'm actually blogging at a decent hour. Maybe I'll go to bed soon.

It's getting warm again. I should get out and enjoy it before it turns ice-cold permanently. I'm a little bummed that I'm not going out to San Diego for New Year's. Would have been nice to get away to warm weather in the middle of another Chicago winter.

Scientists find clue to cause of possible carcinogen in french fries, other foods
And still no cure for... well, I guess they're getting there.

Behold the power of satire and stupidity:
Watch out Al-Qaeda, Branch County (MI) sheriffs are onto you
And can somebody tell me what the correct spelling of Al-Qaeda is? Al-Qaida, Al-Quaeda, etc.
Hmm. One reason to go 192 mph in Japan, I guess.

I am deciding whether to apply for unemployment benefits. I've tried to avoid it because I felt that it was a crutch, that I'd ease up mentally if I gave into it, but my finances are getting tight. Just another idealistic notion of mine succumbing to practical, real life. Not that any of my notions have done me any good lately.

In happier news, my mom is back. And full of entertaining anecdotes about my youngest cousin. Apparently he's weird too. Life goes on.

This is so disgusting, I shouldn't share it. But...I...must....
Have you ever wondered about the urine cure (NOT the one where you disinfect an open wound with urine)? Don't say I didn't warn you.

What IS this? Entrances to Hell
No mentions of the Wrigley Field men's rooms, various parts of the deep South, or SNL from the mid 90s.

The only regular TV I watch, other than sports, is Alias (Also check out Alias Junkie). Season premier was Sunday. Still good. All of my fantasy football teams choked, those lazy good-for-nothing ingrates.

Photos of Siberia
Doesn't seem so bad to me.